I am standing at the edge of a precipice...
Two things will happen when I jump. I will either head straight down to doom, or I will fly, knowing that there is enough wind beneath my wings.
And so I wait. Wait for the wind to gather enough strength and hover around me, to touch my face, my heart, my soul... to gently tell me to not be afraid. "Jump", it will say. "I will be there. And you will soar. You will glide easily. You will laugh joyfully as you see new sights, feel new things", it will say.
It is a long wait. But they say the fruits of patience are sweet...
What it is I seek, I do not know. I only know that I do not want THIS. This mundane, meaningless existence, this clawing for the basics, this apologising for wanting, this ungratefulness... I know I am luckier, or more blessed, than most. I have a roof on my head, a bed to sleep on, 3 meals a day, and even a car to drive around!
But that is a given! Of course I should have all that! But what about the quality of my life? Why is life just a struggle, a battle with daily realities? Why do I feel so trapped! As if gnarled long claws are trying to suffocate me, telling me that this is it. There is nothing more to look forward to. You cannot achieve any more, they say. Now the next challenge is to be able to hold on to what you have.
But I want more!
And so I run. The claws following me. And now, when I am at the edge, I can feel the stiff deceiving silence behind me. For the claws too, are waiting. Waiting for me to give up and turn back so that they can have me within their grasp again.
I am waiting, for the wind. The sign, that will propel me to the next level.
I have never needed so much patience before! My eyes fill with tears as I realise just how patient I have been! Surely this will be rewarded???
